So I have been reading a few books recently:

Maps of Meaning
Book by Jordan Peterson

The Most Dangerous Animal: Human Nature and the Origins of War
Book by David Livingstone Smith

The Most Dangerous Animal talks of the condition of war within humanity. Reading it and some of the philosophical opinions and quotes of other philosophers within brings me to realize death, warfare, struggle or any work as a Protector is the natural state of humanity. Reading this opens my mind to accepting the nature of humanity and the differentiation between actions during wartime as compared to civilian life. There is still the cringe I get internally when someone you don’t know personally upon finding out my Military history immediately asks how many people did you have to kill. I realize that is my moral center believing “Murder” or killing is known to be wrong. It seems society should understand such a question is out of bounds and realize the idiocy of asking.

Maps Of Meaning also opened my eyes earlier when I read it. To me it seems people are actually structured to be on alert, we are default programmed to eat with our back to the wall not trusting anything and always wanting to be ready to protect ourselves. The explanation of Brian functions seemed to me to show humans actually explore life tentatively and repetitively before becoming more comfortable and willing to let any guard down.

I will expand on both of these books and what I take from them further as I continue my writings. I will try my best to associate my observations with the books they come from. If anyone catches any errors in credits, please let me know, I wouldn’t want to deny the authors or philosopher whom deserves the credit they deserve.

So my thoughts in the past and present have always been your memories and experiences will always be with you. They are the scars you develop throughout your life, how you learn to live with those SCARS are what will determine the Joy you allow to come back into your life. One problem and situation I have always had trouble with is the instance from “normal” society the world is peaceful and I am wrong for believing it’s dangerous.

The reason I have so much difficulty in society is they constantly are trying to tell me I am wrong, and that tranquility is the natural state. However my life has seen so much violence, death and tragedy I know that isn’t my reality. Yes, we can create relatively safe areas and the actual chance of specific incidents happening are relatively low, however they do still happen.

This is where the concept of the wolves/sheepdogs and the sheep comes from. I think the wolves are people who conduct themselves without rules for self gain and tend to be more prone to criminality. The Sheepdogs are obviously protectors of groups, even though they may not like everyone within their group. Sheepdogs can be the protector of a family unit, a law enforcement officer or military service members. To some extent I believe the even bleed over into emergency services who put themselves into harms way to save people. All of the people with the exception of the family unit I have listed will see vastly more tragedy than the average person. This in my personal opinion leads people to elevate their personal alertness.

I may have mentioned this in a previous posting, my thought has always been “what if you are always switched on?” If it’s a natural state of the human brain and your memories are keeping you from creating safe zones, should you force yourself to try becoming complacent with your local surroundings or should we simply find ways to deal with the additional anxiety that will be there from being always switched on?

Again, I am no doctor and I am always looking to have enlightening conversations with people with a higher expertise than myself. As for what I am currently doing to lessen my cumulus effects: The first thing I learned is how much sleep, or lack of it, especially deep sleep lessens recovery or even magnifies the issue. So for that I have been trying to do research into natural ways such as vitamins and herbal teas which have shown clinical success with reducing anxiety and which encourage your body to get a maximum amount of deep sleep.

I have been reading as much as I can on things that may reduce or negatively effect deep sleep. Wouldn’t you know it, the number one self medicating method of Alcohol use popped up. While it did seem to give numbness to people it also reportedly creates problems with allowing you to get deep sleep. From my understanding the same is true for one or more of the most common prescriptions for sleep issues. At a later date I will try to attach the articles I read which had the relevant information. But as this isn’t an advice book and is more of a first hand look at me and my actions, some of my writing will come across more as a journal entry. In fact everything I write is just that, you’re reading about my life and my thoughts not intending to be personal advice but more as a means to take the stigma away from the issue.

Most of my friends living with this and those whom I’ve know we lost to the “22” I feel have all felt a taboo about talking about anything. In some aspects I feel myself a hypocrite as I can openly talk about graphic things to some people, but I have always sheltered my Wife and Kids from any exposure. I think that is me continuing to try being the protector.