My Realization of dealing with this shit is guys you have been through it with don’t judge you, they understand you. This is where I give my two cents of advice to people looking to help and the people who have gone through the shit my idea of keeping your armor on. For the individual through personal experiences and a few detailed experiences my Brothers have shared with me, wade into telling people who ask saying they want to help slowly. Dip a toe in instead of stepping into that ice cold water that sends your nuts into your throat.
Essentially test the water to make sure your not doing a swan dive into the shallow end of the pool. You need to realize, people who haven’t experienced trauma or what a battlefield brands you with may not know what they are getting themselves into when they say “Talk To Me”. Thankfully my experiences in this area have been from people who where easily cut free like a bad Main Chute whey I still had my Family and Brothers as a Reserve by my side. After thinking of this and seeing first hand I was recently reminded by a Brother of how bad the blind faith high dive of full disclosure can go.
My advise for the person asking for a scarred person to bear their soul to you. Buckle The Fuck Up Buttercup, you have asked for the ride it’s gonna be ruff, wild and probably ugly as fuck. You need to make sure you can handle what you have asked for. Essentially you have put yourself into a position to earn complete trust and comfort from the person, or you are going to betray them by asking them to tell you the ugly and immediately showing them by your facial expression you have judged them and will never look at them the same. In plane language you have betrayed them, I am not sure at this point what you could do to ever gain their trust again. I know those who have done this to me I simply walked away from, luckily none of them where family. My Brother who this also happened to didn’t have that same luck. SFMF I love you forever, you know who you are.
The reason I included this later in my writing is for me this happened later in my personal experience when I had already for the most part learned how to deal with shit. I can’t tell you how this may have effected me if the first people I opened up to had judged me in such a way. All I can say to someone this may have happened to is not everyone is like that. Test the waters, for me the first people I always felt comfortable talking to where my Brothers I had the bond of War with. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by WWII Vets on all sides of my house, and these where ground pounders Battle Of Okinawa and D-Day Vet. Nothing I could ever say would have gotten a awkward look or uncomfortably end a conversation with those guys. Possibly seek out your local Veterans Of Foreign Wars, American Legion or other Veterans Service Organization for people whom you may feel comfortable starting conversation with.
What I can say, after trying and what I thought succeeding not talking to anyone about it is the demons will come out at some time or another. Essentially you have to find some type of long game, some way of coming to terms with your scars to make life enjoyable again. But like I always tell people, life ain’t pixy-dust and fairy tails shit will come up from time to time. Just like any other military planning you have to have a plan if your ambushed, prepare for a near ambush a far ambush or a medivac because shit can get ugly real fast if your caught flat footed and your on the X. (In military terms being on the X is at the point where the enemy wanted you when the began the attack)