This is a brief summery of what I have noticed about how many people have trauma. Realizing that may bring all of us to the start of a better life.
While I was attending an event with my wife on a totally unrelated topic, I was being open and explaining why I live a “Zero Fucks Lifestyle.” Let me clarify that by saying it’s not that I don’t care about anything, it’s that I don’t care about other peoples opinions of me. I “Stay Zero” as many of my former Military Brothers do.
I was being openminded when someone asked a question of what I want to improve in my life. I expressed at times due to the horrific things I have witnessed and the loss I have endured in my life, at times I feel numb. Let me preface my thoughts by explaining the topic we where discussing in the presentation. The point of the presentation was eloquently displayed in a graphic which displayed a persons life balance as being either Above or Below what I called a status quo or regulated and when a conflict or event happens it will have one of two effects. It will have an exhilarating or anxiety feeling or a depressive or dissregulating effect.
When Jillian From the Blog https://www.montanamoneyadventures.com/ described this concept during a comment period I explained my life as the following: I have lived a live of constant hardship and trauma along with training which is designed to push a person to the ragged edge if not a breaking point. After which the person can then realize just how much they can endure, achieve and perform under adverse conditions.
I told Jillian how I felt this training and life experience moved my Status line into the Dissregulated area and explained how I have seen others in my situation who used a extreme lifestyle to essentially move their status line back up to the norm. When explaining this I noticed during normal activities with my family when I thought I was interacting normally with my kiddos they asked, “Daddy are you happy?” I have also heard “Daddy be happy.” These types of events along with how I seemed to react in an emotionally numb manner during an extremely gruesome and tragic event at work in which my coworkers where obviously effected. I told the audience openly, my goal is to insure my Kiddos and Family understand my love for them. I lost my Father and Grandfather at a young age and know first had the loss of those close to you. I felt even though I have no control of my history, from this point forward as long as I live I will cherish my time with my family and do everything I can making sure my children understand my love for them. Even if i may not seem to smile that often, I assure you that when their Daddy asks my Kiddos “How Much Does Daddy Love You?” Their reply is “For Ever and Ever!” I want them to know there is not only the deep love I have for them, but that it is endless and will continue as long as we share time on Earth and long after I am gone.
My purpose for this Blog is for people to have a better life. If you or a friend have ever experienced this, you are not alone and there is a path.